For over two decades, one man has stood between America’s pillow-biters and a blizzard of human ash blackening the skies above West Hollywood.
His name was Anthony Kennedy.
On Wednesday, my fellow panic-stricken homosexuals rushed to our keyboards following news the great giver of legalized buggery and gay bridal registries planned to retire from the Supreme Court. It may, after all, be the last chance we get to tweet, message a friend, tell our mothers we love them.
Many claimed to hear, in the distance, an excavator lurching forward, its deathly groan signaling construction had begun on the first queer internment camp, already nicknamed Auschbitch.
All around me, I saw those gayfaces, once so twinkly, sink with horror and despair. I told them not to worry. What else could I do? Uncle Mike’s shock retreats are just like getting electrolysis only you get to go to Heaven after, I said.
I hope I’m right.
Vox, the greatest news source ever devised by mankind, began to spread the word.
“Anti-LGBTQ advocates are already gearing up to weaken LGBTQ rights in the US now that Kennedy is leaving the Court,” Vox said.
The time has come that “many of us had feared,” The Advocate wrote.
“There is no way to sugarcoat it: this terrible news for LGBTQ rights,” wrote the fag-blaster LGBTQNation.
But what if Kennedy was never on our side? As members of the LGBTQAIIPPC3PO∞+ community, most of us have spent our entire lives being humiliated, constantly, every day, by everyone we know. Maybe Kennedy is no different than that Puerto Rican gang banger up the street who makes you wear a wig, calls you “beautiful mamacita,” then punches you in the face, tosses a twenty out the window of his tricked-out Honda Accord and speeds off into the sunset.
Maybe Heron Greenesmith, who is not an exotic waterfowl but a person, at the Huffington Post is right when xe calls Kennedy “Ghastly.” Kennedy was, afterall, a Reagan appointee, the president who invented AIDS.
Kennedy supported Nazi pastry chefs in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission. He announced his retirement on the same day he sided with Nazis on the Muslim ban and in another decision to gut labor rights. And he is leaving the court, intentionally letting President Cheeto Monster replace him with what will surely be the most blood-thirsty Christian on earth, like Joel Osteen.
As Xister Greenesmith tells us, “Kennedy has ensured that he will be remembered not for the landmark pro-LGBTQ cases he authored, but for upholding the racist, misogynist, anti-labor principles that run rampant throughout the Trump administration.”
For me, I must still believe there was once goodness in Justice Kennedy, if only fleeting.
Perhaps today’s front page of the Daily News has put the crisis best.
“WE ARE FUCKED,” it reads, a bittersweet nod to the universal human right to sodomy that Kennedy gave us in Lawrence v. Texas.
Chadwick Moore is a journalist, political commentator, and editor-in-chief of DANGEROUS, currently working on his first book. He tweets at @Chadwick_Moore.